Second Best

I have always been striving to do, to be second best 
I just realized this 
And I have subconsciously been doing this on purpose 
Not thinking I deserve this 
Like a subconscious punishment for myself 
Because I was always programmed to believe that I was unimportant, 
Always unvalidated 
So I purposely do just under the optimal best 
But only allowing myself to be second best, runner up standards because I didn't believe that I ever deserved to be on top, 
That's got to stop 
Best was for other people, not me 
Or was it really because I was told that was all I could be? 
And thus that's mostly what it always has been for me...
So now I'm scared to be the best, 
To put myself to the test 
But-lightbulb moment -
NOT ANYMORE 
I figured it out, without a doubt, 
Now I'm finally going to settle the score! 
From now on, I will strive to be much more! 
More than ever before 
Because myself, I have been learning to adore 
And WOW! Who could ask for anything more?.....

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