Second Best
I have always been striving to do, to be second best
I just realized this
And I have subconsciously been doing this on purpose
Not thinking I deserve this
Like a subconscious punishment for myself
Because I was always programmed to believe that I was unimportant,
Always unvalidated
So I purposely do just under the optimal best
But only allowing myself to be second best, runner up standards because I didn't believe that I ever deserved to be on top,
That's got to stop
Best was for other people, not me
Or was it really because I was told that was all I could be?
And thus that's mostly what it always has been for me...
So now I'm scared to be the best,
To put myself to the test
But-lightbulb moment -
NOT ANYMORE
I figured it out, without a doubt,
Now I'm finally going to settle the score!
From now on, I will strive to be much more!
More than ever before
Because myself, I have been learning to adore
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